7 Responses to ‘What Are We’ That Tell You Exactly WTF Is Up

In Dating, Love & Relationships by Isis Nezbeth3 Comments

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Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and later realized that you’re the only one who considers the two of you actually being ‘in a relationship?’ I’ve learned that many people steer clearing of defining the relationship they have with someone and instead tag on words like ‘talking’ or ‘dating’ as in–there’s no commitment, but I don’t want you to talk to anyone else. There are several excuses or reasons for why someone does this, but don’t fool yourself–you deserve clarity. If you are in a relationship or doing ‘relationship things’ with someone and you’ve never defined the situation, it’s time to get some answers. Here are 7 responses to ‘what are we?’ that let you know exactly where things stand with you two. Let’s get into it!

1.  I don’t want to complicate what we have.

“You’re special to me and you know that, but I don’t want to complicate what we have by putting a title on it.” If putting a title on your situationship will cause complications, that is a very clear sign that commitment is only a goal for one of you.

2.  We’re homies.

Abort mission–like, now. This is such a huge sign of disrespect to me. I’m not your male friend and this is just a nonchalant way of telling you that there is no potential of a committed relationship for the two of you in sight.

3.  Seriously… we’re just friends.

This response is typically made by you when you’re explaining to others (who are tired of you two dragging things out) that you’re just friends when everyone knows you two should be more. You’re trying to convince others that (even though you two would be perfect together) you aren’t going to embark on a romantic relationship. Sure, you could be worried about risking the friendship, but in all honesty, you know that you both should be more than friends as well! Take the risk!

4.  Soon, but not now.

“I’m just not ready for a relationship right now. To me, hearing this is risky. It all depends on the person as to whether or not you can believe there is light at the end of this tunnel. Some people use this excuse to keep you around, but they never make that leap and “soon” never comes. It doesn’t happen that way in all cases though. Some people do need time to prioritize or handle themselves emotionally before getting involved in a new relationship. Again, trusting this is all on the person it’s coming from.

5.  You know I’ll always care about you.

You two may have been ‘involved’ for quite some time, but still that commitment has not been made. As long as you two have been a thing, it has been serious and the two of you have developed real feelings for each other. Sh*tty thing is, as deep as those feelings are, you still aren’t getting anywhere with them. “You know they’ll always care about you,” but commitment (at least to you) is not the end goal for them.

6.  What are you doing tonight?

You might not want to admit it, but you know exactly who I’m talking about. You know good and well nothing will come from this. In fact, they treat you like a booty call; only reaching out when they want to sleep with you and even that is pretty scarce. You know so well what the two of you are that you don’t even bother asking because the honest answer will make you feel even more stupid than you do now. Move on, baby.

7.  We hook up from time to time.

You hear from this person a little more than the “WYD tonight?” type, but still you’re just hooking up. There really isn’t anything exclusive or promising about the relationship. In fact, the term ‘hook-up’ generally applies that it’s a casual, nonexclusive type of relationship–meaning you and four others are probably expecting the same commitment from the kind of person who has zero intentions of committing to either of you.

All in all, if you are committing yourself to someone who hasn’t committed themselves to you then you’re selling yourself short. You’re a pink starburst, remember? You are the shit. You deserve to be treated as such.. gain some clarity and if you get any of the following responses in return–believe them the first time!

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Comments

  1. I’ve been in these situations more than once, and on both sides of the spectrum. I’ve been the guy where I’ve perused a woman who I was friends with and she is like I’m not ready for any guy, but actually waiting on another guy to get his self right. Calling on me when she needed something. When I stopped it and moved on, that’s when she realized I could have been the one. And on the other side, I have told a woman who was in love with me that I’m not ready for a relationship. Which was true but this woman had just gotten out of a relationship with her off and in boyfriend of 5 years. They actually stayed together. And MW being married previously, I knew she needed time by herself to get right emotionally and there was always a possibility she gets back with her ex. She didn’t wanna hear me and what I was saying and insisted on waiting on me to feel the same about her. Smh I couldn’t so that to her and had to cut ties for her own good. It hurt her but she ended up doing what I said she would do, going back to him. But these and more failed attempts at relationships have maid my patience very short with women and the drama or deceitfulness that they may bring. It kinda makes me live a single do what I want lifestyle but that’s can and will change when the right woman comes along. Yes I have the woman in my head who I want but my time is not God’s time. So making sure I’m building and growing as an adult to get to her level.

    1. Author

      This is so transparent and I love that! It’s not easy looking at things from both sides of the spectrum and it’s even harder to admit when we’ve done something we shouldn’t have. I too have been in a number of these situations and I’ve also been the one to dish some of these excuses out. I was young and dumb at the time, but thank God we get older and wiser! Thank you for sharing that with me!

      1. Yes have to get wiser or there was no point of going through it. But no problem. Loved the article.

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