Yes, you read that right. Near the end of February I tried to kill myself. Not realizing how much literature and media would be centered on suicidal ideation–for example, all the hype around 13 Reasons Why–I felt it was a sign and decided it was the right thing to do to come out and tell my truth about it. Suicidal ideation is a lot more common than we think it to be. You might even be able to think of a time where you yourself thought about how much easier your life would be if you didn’t have to live one. Whether the thoughts were your own or you know someone who has had these thoughts, I cannot stress enough how important it is to take action as soon as you know. There are two parts to taking action against suicidal thoughts. There is no right order in my opinion, but it is very important to receive support from someone, anyone you feel comfortable with. You can’t go through it alone. The other part to taking action is realizing and admitting to yourself that you need help. That means finding a doctor. That means letting whoever you choose to support you actually take care of you. I can’t thank the people who love me enough for breaking down walls to make sure I was okay. I thought I had to hide from them because I didn’t know how to tell anyone that I wanted and tried to kill myself. When they found out about it, each of them encouraged me and filled me with positive things and as much as I thought that would help–it didn’t. Sure… I’m smart, beautiful, driven, and a mom–but I still wanted to die. The amount of stress I was trying to endure by myself became too much to mask. I had been struggling through it, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t have the strength to mask that struggle anymore.
Sure… I’m smart, beautiful, driven, and a mom–but I still wanted to die. Isis Nezbeth