“…but I love him.”
His behavior is not your fault; staying with him is.
Before I go any further, I want you to know that this is a note to make you feel stronger, sis. I’m not here to talk down on you or to make you feel like you’re the first woman to stay with a man who doesn’t deserve you because you’re not. The majority of us have all been there and the ones that think they haven’t either didn’t know or were in denial. Nevertheless, now that we’ve brought up the subject, I have some things I need you to hear.
And please remember, it’s all in love.
‘I love him’ is not a good enough reason to let him cheat on you.
Love is such a funny thing because it can start off with two people and end with one and vice versa. Still, it takes two people to do love the right way. Although many people argue that a cheating man doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, I’m calling bullshit. I can understand the people who feel like people deserve a second chance for “making a mistake,” but you don’t make the same mistake twice. or ten times. or so much so that the other woman is a regular in his life. That is not a mistake.
I know what it’s like to love someone so much that you absolutely fear losing them even if it means you have to let them hurt you to keep them around. That kind of love, not everyone gets a chance to experience. Don’t feel bad that you love to that capacity, but do understand that you should be giving that kind of love to someone who can and will give it back to you. That is the very least that you deserve.
‘I love him’ is not a good enough reason to make a fool of yourself.
Most times when ‘I love him’ becomes your go-to answer for why you’re allowing him to treat you a certain way, it means it’s no longer a secret and he’s making you look like a public fool. At this point, your friends and family are all concerned and constantly questioning why you’re staying with a man who treats you this way. When people love you, there isn’t a lot you can say to make them let go of their worry for you in a situation such as this.
Don’t be upset with them even if you don’t agree with what or how they are sharing their opinions. Instead, try to listen to what they’re saying for understanding. A lot of times the people who love you can see things from outside of the relationship that you can’t possibly see from the inside–especially when you’re loving as deep as you’re loving this kind of man. It’s unfortunate, but people aren’t going to make a big deal out of a cheating man the same way they will make a big deal out of a woman who chooses to stay with him.
‘I love him’ is not a good enough reason to settle.
At the end of the day, sis, you’re settling. You’re settling because you know you deserve better than what you’ve got right now. Don’t let the thought of “losing to the other woman” make you stay in a relationship that is silently killing you. Don’t let the fact that you two have “been through so much together” make you stay in a one-sided relationship. Don’t let your love for him allow you to settle on the love you rightfully deserve! Choose. YOUR. Happiness.
Stop wasting tears and arguing about something that isn’t going to change. And yeah. I could tell you to have faith that things will change, but honestly the chances of things changing are slim to none because you’ve already showed him what you’re willing to put up with. Love doesn’t hurt like this, sis. I hate to break it to you like that, but it simply doesn’t. Always remember that people get away with exactly what you allow. I won’t ever tell you to give up on love, but there’s nothing wrong with making sure that what you have is, in fact, love.
When you find out that it’s not, I pray your strength to get up, dust yourself off, and to go find the happiness that you truly deserve.
It’s not too late, sis.