I Don’t Believe in Second Chances; I Call It Looking Back

In Dating, Love & Relationships by Isis Nezbeth0 Comments

Sometimes we are just in a relationship of some kind because it’s convenient, or because we’re lonely, or because our friend of a friend hooked us up and we don’t want to let them down. When we are in a relationship because we want to be, we don’t usually half-step.
I don’t believe in second chances of the same love. I believe in second chances of finding love–even fourteenth and fifteenth chances–but new love. It probably sounds pessimistic and mean to a person who’s used to wasting time trying to make the same broken relationship work, but to the people who are used to moving on and starting fresh… they understand where I’m coming from. So, let’s get into it!

I gave it my all the first time around.

I don’t half-ass any relationship I invest myself in. Don’t fail to realize that we don’t always invest ourselves in every relationship we are a part of (i.e., FWB, situationships, etc). Sometimes we are just in a relationship of some kind because it’s convenient, or because we’re lonely, or because our friend of a friend hooked us up and we don’t want to let them down. When we are in a relationship because we want to be, we don’t usually half-step. Unfortunately, there is always a little more love offered from one of the two people in the relationship. In my experience, that person is usually me. I offer all of myself when I am in a relationship I want to be a part of. I do my best not to sell my partner short in any aspect of me, which they don’t usually see all the benefit in until I’m gone. Yes, you’re right… loving that way does leave me vulnerable, but it also allows me to see who really loves me for me then–not the potential me, after the fact.

When times were tough I stayed; you ran.

Again, this is my personal experience, but I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one who has experienced this. The thing about giving the same love a second chance means that we gave up when we shouldn’t have. Sure, in the movies they let go when they are younger and ten years later they see each other in the grocery story and everything comes rushing back leading to happily ever after–but this ain’t a damn movie. Excuse me, but seriously. When things get tough in a relationship worth having, you two decide to work through it. When it’s not meant to be, someone gives up. Maybe they were scared or maybe they weren’t “ready” or maybe they simply took you for granted. Whatever the reason, the important thing to see is that when things turned “fight or flight” they left. Don’t feel like you owe them a second chance to fight now.

Now that what you thought you wanted didn’t work, you want me.

It might be the Scorpio in me, but I’m no sloppy seconds. I’m no rebound. I’m not here for you after you leave and then suddenly you realize you already had a great thing in front of you. There’s no shame in my game, either. I know my worth. You can’t expect a person to wait for you or halt their new advances in life, post-you, all because what you thought you wanted didn’t work out. Did it ever occur to you that while you were off ‘doing you’ I might have had the opportunity to do the same? Furthermore, did you ever think that while ‘doing me’ I might have found something better for me than you were? No? –right. Well, I did. And to be frank, it’s insulting to put off all the new and good in your life for things that are safe and old. Don’t do this to yourself. Also, don’t think that “new” means a new relationship. New means anything you’ve gained, developed, or created that makes you happier than you were on yesterday.

Just one last time– this is simply my perspective based on my experience. If your heart is speaking against everything I have said–try things again. All I ask if that you don’t be shocked if things don’t work out–again. I believe in second chances at love–even fourteenth and fifteenth chances–but new love. Move forward. Start fresh.

The best thing about letting go of old relationships is understanding that you can let go of old love and still care about them.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t care about them because you choose yourself and your own happiness first. If they love you like they say they do, they’ll comply and let you go. Someone is waiting to love the you you are right this very second–even with all the blemishes and flaws you’ve got. Don’t give their chance to the person who already had theirs and wasted it. You deserve more than that. Cheers to second chances on new love!

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