not over your ex, black woman looking down

First things first… if you’re still sleeping with them, you shouldn’t need to read anything else to know that you’re definitely not over your ex.

However, there are some other things that prove you are not over your ex no matter how much you believe you are. You may not experience all of the signs or you could be experience more than one simultaneously. Either way, if you can relate to the following signs, you might not be over your ex, sis. Let’s get into it!

1.  You cyberstalk them daily.

I’m not trying to call you out, love… I’ve been there too. You know exactly what I’m talking about. They are the first name in your recent searches on all of your social media platforms. You always “accidentally” watch their story to see what they’ve been up to. You might even be peeping through someone else’s account because your ex blocked your personal one.

2.  You speak badly about them.

Some people may choose to argue this, but I personally can’t stand to hear someone speak badly about their ex. Yes, even if they cheated. Not because they don’t probably deserve it, but because in most ways it reflects negatively on you.

3.  You aren’t happy that they’re happy.

I’m not saying you should be rooting for you ex to live their best life without you, but if you find yourself jealous or frustrated that they’ve moved on—in life or in love—that’s definitely a clear sign that you’re not over your ex. I hate to say it, but feeling this way about him could be holding you back in the long run. Let it go, mama.

4.  You don’t even like to hear their name.

You can’t even stand the sound of their name without getting sad or upset. Just hearing their name brings memories rushing into your mind and in turn triggers your sometimes irrational emotions.

5.  You’ve disassociated yourself from your mutual friends.

This one can be difficult to explain. If you’re disassociating yourself with mutual friends because it’s necessary for you to truly move on from the relationship, that is necessary. Unfortunately, sometimes the being around mutual friends can bring about some really serious emotions and actions. For example, drinking too much at a gathering (and God forbid the liquid courage causes you to act out). I mean, a lot can happen when you haven’t moved on from the relationship, but you two are still hanging with the same squad. If you’re not over your ex, this can be really hard to overcome.

6.  You’re not open to new relationship opportunities.

I think holding yourself back from the opportunity to date again is a way of saying, ”just in case they come back.” Again, there may be a few who choose to argue with me on this, but I do feel like its holding you back. Now, if you’re choosing to move on in life instead of love, that is great and I’m not addressing you here! Nevertheless, if you’re completely turned off by the thought of another relationship and you’re not moving on in life either, you’re not over your ex.

7.  You compare the potential of a new relationship to the one you were in with them.

Not only are you not open to talking to that beautiful person who hit on you earlier, but you’re bitter and negative about the thought of a new relationship simply based on the results of your last one. Every chance you get, you justify your reasons for why you won’t get into anything new by comparing it to things that happened with your ex.

8.  You’re still holding on to relationship memorabilia.

I truly believe that the greatest memories are kept in the heart. Keeping that teddy bear she bought you last Valentine’s Day or sleeping in your favorite his t-shirt isn’t helping you move on. If you can’t part with the tangible items, you’re probably not over your ex.

9.  You constantly verbalize that you’re over them.

You might have to take this with a grain of salt, but the only person who believes you when you say that you’re over your ex is you. If you were really over your ex, your actions would say that for you. No one would question it and you definitely wouldn’t have to tell anybody that you’re over them.

10.  You can’t see yourself being friends with them—ever.

Being friends with your ex is not a bad thing. In fact, when you’re truly over your ex you’ll find that it’s easy to be friends with them. I will acknowledge that in some cases, you just cannot be friends with your ex and if this is true for you that’s okay! However, if you cannot fathom being friends with your ex because they still bring about ill feelings for you, your heart may not have fully coped with the breakup.

If you’re experiencing any of the above signs, just give it time. You can get over your ex. It’ll take some time, but I promise you it’s possible. Hang in there!

Read more original Goddess Column content from Isis on Thought Catalog.