“I’m not conceited! She’s my GIRLFRIEND!”


Relationships…. “WHAT A PAIN!” used to be my initial response, but now I view things differently. I ultimately came to the realization that it must be something I’m doing to keep attracting these poor excuses for boyfriends/playmates. You see at first their wonderful… what with the “Good Morning Beautiful” texts and occasional dates and what not, but somewhere down the line all the bliss goes BLAH and I just couldn’t put my finger on what exactly could be the reason… then it hit me. “You become your surroundings.” Here I am expecting some guy (or girl in my case) to fall madly in love with a woman who isn’t madly in love with herself.

Crazy, right?! So here’s how I fixed things… I dropped everything I was working on relationship-wise and started dating a remarkable woman… MYSELF. I’ve been in a full-time committed relationship with myself since the beginning of August, where shortly after we decided that we wanted to build a fresh foundation in the sea of new love, New York City. After arriving here I’ll admit it was a little challenging with first dates and everything because we’d get lost finding our destination or some admirer would come and intrude on our alone time. It took some time to work the kinks out, but now we’re healthier than ever. Here’s my guide to a healthy self-relationship.

◾️Physical Attraction

It may sound a little creepy, but isn’t this where all relationships begin? Mold yourself to become the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen staring back at you in the mirror. Doing something new with your hair, maybe even your fashion style, I really don’t care if it’s a simple change in lip color… just do it and do it now! I love to admire other attractive people, but I can honestly say when I get dressed and walk out of my front door, my mindset is that nobody’s got ANYTHING on me, myself, and I! It’s important to become physically attracted to yourself because let’s face it, if you aren’t attracted to yourself you’ll act like it and insecurities are SUCH a turnoff. We all have flaws. Don’t be ashamed of them. Embrace them. It’s like our parent’s used to teach us.. “Laugh at yourself first so people can only laugh with you, not at you.” Spend time finding the beauty of you from the insideout. Your very existence is a gift from God. He made you EXACTLY the way you should be.

◽️ The Concept of “Me Dates”

Don’t confuse this with alone time. It’s not the same, you see. A ‘Me Date’ should be a date with yourself to somewhere you would NOT normally go alone. That’s when you’re really committing to yourself. Anybody can sit and have a meal alone or shop by themselves.. LAME! If you really want to show you that you love you, take yourself somewhere you’re forced to enjoy your own company. Sure, the first few times you may feel a little awkward because everyone else will be coupled up, but just remember that you are just as coupled as they are (they just can’t see it, unless your essence shows it). Some ‘Me Dates’ I have planned for the rest of this month are a Saturday night visit to The Met, a beautiful day date to the New York Botanical Gardens, and Tuesday night beers at Peoples Improv Theater. These are things we’re interested in doing, but find out what you guys like best, throw on your best outfit, and go wine and dine yourself the best way you see fit!

◾️Gift Buying / Pampering

I’m not a big shopper for many things, as you all have read before, I’m a thrifter. So instead of buying myself gifts (which sometimes can foster shopping addiction denial if you ask me) I like to make sweet gestures to myself. Like treating myself to a day of people watching and writing in Central Park with a white chocolate mocha latte from Starbucks or giving my hair a hot oil treatment and scalp massage. Whatever little things I can get a moment of ecstasy from, I reward myself to them as often as I feel they’re necessary. You’ll be shocked at how much it’ll mean to you even if you are the one doing the sweet things for yourself. I’d say if you’re going to buy yourself gifts, just as with dating yourself, don’t buy things you would have bought yourself before being in a relationship… put some thought into it. SURPRISE YOURSELF!

◽️ Lover’s Lane

Now me personally, when I say full-time commitment, I do mean full-time commitment. Masturbation is healthy! I’m not saying after a while my toys don’t always work, but if I can find the time to seek out the things I love about myself physically and emotionally, I can find out what I like sexually also. Of course, I’ve gone out and gotten a dose of ‘the real thing’ since I moved (is that cheating? I mean we were both there and enjoyed it) but on a day to day I’m normally the one giving myself the loving and I don’t see anything wrong with that. That’s where the physical attraction is important; If you’re scared to lay with yourself, something is most certainly wrong.

You will be surprised how people respond to you after you’ve grown to know and love yourself. There’s just a certain essence (so I’ve been told) that I began to carry myself with after realizing I was my dreamgirl. I don’t need to wait on anyone to come around and sweep me off my feet in order to validate that I’ve got everything I’ve ever needed right here inside me. And to be honest, the more in love I become with myself, the more people I have begging me to let them treat me like the Queen (or Goddess, in my case) that I exude myself to be. I love loving me. It’s not conceited, it takes confidence, but that’s not all there is to “loving yourself”. For me, it is this. I know my worth. If other people don’t, I take it upon myself to let my actions speak for themselves. Be proud of your body, your mind, your talents, your flaws… literally everything that is the very making of you! To know your worth is to exude the essence of an Egyptian Goddess or a Nubian Queen. Which will the people depict you to be?

Peace and Love good people,



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