Turn Down for What?: Liquid Courage, Word Vomit, and other alcohol infused ways to make a fool of yourself.


Okay everybody. We’ve all been here. I’m guilty, trust me. But as usual, I do my best to pass on the lessons of life that I deem valuable. Today, we’re talking about our dear friend Alcohol.

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -Ernest Hemingway

Boy, how true is this? If more people followed this I just don’t know what type of growth could actually take place. If you’re anything like me though, you can recollect at least one time where your alcohol induced behavior left you looking just a little less bright than you truly are. Let’s talk about some of the top reasons to ‘turn down’:

  • Liquid Courage. If you wouldn’t say it to that person’s face before you got to wherever you are when you started telling another person about what ‘you’re going to say’ then can it; shut it up; be quiet; zip your lips–whichever gets the message across that if you can’t do it without the liquor, you can’t do it. Don’t go to your ex’s new girl’s house. Don’t call the ‘side chick’ you just found out about. Don’t ‘at’ your enemy on twitter… you get the picture?
  • Word Vomit. Don’t be that one who spoils the surprise, delivers the heartbreak, or just name-drops way too much, but only on the account that ‘you’ve had too much to drink’. That’s no excuse to me. I can’t stand this type of person. If you can’t control your loose lips when you start to drink, set yourself a two drink maximum. You’ll thank yourself in the morning. 
  • Drunk Texting. This is very common and is always a pain-in-the-ass to wake up to in the morning. It doesn’t matter if it was sweet, angry, sexy–whatever it was… I’m sure it threw the receiver off a bit and you don’t want to be stressed about where that message might end up thanks to the endless limits of screenshots these days. If you’ve got at least one good friend, I’d advise always giving your phone to that person who understands how much you shouldn’t even be trusted with the access to drunk text. If you didn’t send it before you started drinking, it was meant to stay in your mind and out of their inbox. Trust me on this one. This is just another form of liquid courage.
  • Public Urination. The car. The subway station. In the woods. On the side of the highway–I mean seriously, the places I’ve pee’d because ‘I was too drunk and couldn’t hold it’ are ridiculously embarrassing. Spare yourself the embarrassment. Drinking too much means peeing too much–even in places you never imagined… and don’t think you don’t pose the threat of peeing on yourself because that happens more than you’d think. It could even happen in your sleep! 
  • Drunk Sex. Yeah, it could be enjoyable, but sometimes being drunk and horny is a terrible combination. It could lead to one night stands you’ll now stress yourself with lying about. It could lead to rape. It could lead to having sex with someone you know you had no business sleeping with–like someone else’s girlfriend or boyfriend. Being drunk is not an excuse to cheat either. 
  • Over-spending. It’s real easy to spend money when you’re feeling yourself. Getting too drunk can lead to terrible judgment and of course that always leaves the door open to spending money you have no business spending. Whether buying more drinks or whatever else, be careful of having too much to drink and money to spend. 

These are just a few ways to wake up regretting the ‘turn up’ from last night. Make sure you don’t look past the message in the meme. If you wouldn’t do it sober, don’t do it or say you’ll do it when you’re drunk. If these reasons weren’t enough reason to be careful of having too much to drink. Here are just a few other reasons to consider your intake:

    • If you’re all of a sudden into kissing someone of the same sex (and willing to let someone post it on their IG page–until you see it in the morning).
    • You wake up in jail with a DUI.
    • You drunk text a parent.
    • You trick yourself into thinking your cuddy buddy is actually your partner and you
      • start airing the situationship’s dirty laundry.
      • show up at his apartment unannounced (and it’s not your night.. literally).
      • post a sentimental post on social media and ‘at’, mention, tag, that person without consent.

…instead of remembering that “y’all” is just an agreement the two of you had.

    • You actually wake up in someone’s bed that you don’t know or in a house, car, etc. that you are unfamiliar with.
    • You risk getting a DUI if ‘you’re fine to drive’.

I get it now. Please drink responsibly. It’s there for a reason. It’s okay if drinking isn’t your thing… What’s important to remember is that whatever comes of you drinking too much, is your problem. Take that into consideration and I’m sure you’ll make the right choices. The next time someone yells ‘turn down for what?’ just think about this entry.

Peace and love, dear reader.


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