The only thing worse than not having sex is having bad sex, especially when you’re having sex with someone you want to be sleeping with… but how do you let him know he’s not getting you there? Should you even tell him?
The answer is definitely “yes.”
If he’s not getting you off, sis, he deserves to know. You don’t have to argue about having bad sex, you can simply guide him through what you really want in order to have good sex. If you want to stop having bad sex, this is for you.
1. When he’s in the right spot, make sure he knows it.
Simply put, overdo it just a little bit. If he’s handling his business just right make him feel good about it. Verbal praise can go a long way here. He will more than likely be turned on by how vocal you’re being. He’s even more likely to work even harder to get you there. It will also help him remember what got you so excited this time when you guys have sex in the future.
2. Guide him.
Sometimes having bad sex comes from expecting the same things to work on different people. This could be the case with your partner. He may really want to please you, but only knows how to do things one way. Literally, guide him through your body. Move his hands where you want them to be. Point to where you want to be kissed. Push his head down toward your exactly where you want him to taste you. Take control of the situation and show him where you need him to be.
3. Show him by doing it to him.
Take charge. If you’re wanting to try something new, be the person to initiate it. Don’t go all dominatrix on him—unless you two are into that kind of thing—but don’t wait on him to get things started. By showing him how good it feels to him, hopefully he’ll know that he should return the favor in the same ways as well!
4. Show him by doing it yourself.
This won’t work with everything, but for some stuff, you can show him how to take care of business by taking care of business for yourself. Often times he’ll be pretty turned on by it as well. That should make a good student out of him. When you’re finished give him a chance to perform on you as well. Practice makes perfect!
5. Find a video.
If telling him isn’t working and you’re still having bad sex it might be good to realize that some people are visual learners. We’re all familiar with PornHub and all of those other sites to find videos on. If he can’t seem to get the picture, consider showing him a video.
You could literally role play ‘teacher and student’ and instruct him on how to better please you. If you two are the creative types, role play options are endless and are usually a really good time, if I do say so myself. You two won’t be acting as yourselves which tends to open doors to try new things while ‘in character’. Don’t be shy, give it a shot!
7. Tell him.
If demonstrating isn’t working out, you just need to tell him directly. You shouldn’t be having bad sex, even if it means you have to hurt his pride a little bit. You can find a creative way to tell him just to spice things up or you could simply have the conversation with him, but it definitely needs to be communicated.
We all have needs that need to be satisfied; don’t settle for having bad sex—or even mediocre sex. You deserve mind-blowing sex, sis. Let him know what you want without hurting his ego. After all, a little help never hurt anybody.
Read more original Goddess Column content from Isis on Thought Catalog.