I’m going to be a mommy! I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant–I know, I know.. I didn’t think it would be me either–at least not this year, but to be honest, I couldn’t be happier. I know the title of this article is a bit alarming.. maybe disappointing–people seem to have a number of different emotions about being single and pregnant, but to be honest, I have never felt more like a ‘real woman’ than I do right now. To be trusted with the enormous task of raising life is truly, truly empowering. I don’t bring up religion often, but I thank God with everything I am for giving me the gift of life and furthermore for trusting me to not only do right in my life, but to guide the life of another. Since being pregnant you can bet a LOT has changed for me and who would I be, if I weren’t to stay true to myself and my readers and share them with you here! Here are few truths to being single and pregnant.
Support is EVERYTHING.
Having someone to talk to about your pregnancy experience is extremely important! No matter how afraid you are of what judgment might come with someone learning that your single and pregnant, it is so important to reach out and tell someone. In all honesty, the people I thought would be most upset (my mother, most importantly) were so excited and overjoyed for me that it made me feel bad about thinking they would judge me in the first place.
Focus on the positive, ERADICATE the negative.
I would never steer you to believe that everyone will be thrilled for you. Unfortunately, some people still pass judgment on people who are single and pregnant–but that is not for you to worry about. Stress is extremely detrimental to the baby’s health and does not deserve your attention. Although some people won’t be happy for you, focus on the people who are happy for you. For that matter, focus on ALL the positive things that come with the joy of being a loving mother.
Now is the time to put your pride to the side and do what’s right for you and your seed. You will have to come to terms with the fact that there is NO way you can handle everything that comes with being a parent (and remain sane) all by yourself. Whether it happens to be asking friends and family or reaching out for other types of help, ask and receive! Don’t be too proud to be blessed.
Reach out for FINANCIAL support.
Just like with accepting the help of others, you will have to make sure that you have proper financial support as well. If that means applying for state benefits, finding a suitable job, applying for child support, or asking friends and family be sure to do what’s necessary to provide for you and your child. Be mindful that I said YOU and your child. Although baby is your number one priority, don’t forget about yourself and your needs as well.
Confide in OTHER single parents.
First, go ahead and choke on any remarks you may have made in the past about single mothers or never getting pregnant because obviously God had other plans. It’s okay… I had to do it too. Anyway, definitely reach out to other single parents and get some expert advice from those who are already successfully handling being a single parent and/or co-parenting. It’s never a bad idea to take advice from parents who are together and/or from couples who are in a relationship and raising a child together, even if one of them is not the birth parent.
Find FUN things to do while pregnant.
This was extremely important for me. When I first found out I was pregnant, just like most mothers, for a quick second I felt like my life was over. Then I had to remember that I had a life before partying and I would certainly be able to have one after it. To be honest, I had lost my appetite for nightlife before finding out, but didn’t realize it was because I was pregnant. Now, I find things to do that I normally wouldn’t have taken advantage of–especially spending a LOT of time with my mother. Whatever brings you fun, try to do it as much as you can while you’re pregnant.
If the father wants in, Make a PARENTING plan.
I think the truest thing I’ve learned since being pregnant was that women become mothers from the time they learn they’re pregnant, where as man become fathers at birth. As a Scorpio, I’m not the best at forgiving people, but I’m still working on myself and so is God, so I can’t really speak much on what co-parenting will look like for my child, but that’s for another day. If the father wants to be a part of the child’s life, remember that you do not have to have much more than a cordial relationship with the father in order for him to have a relationship with his child. Make a plan and stick to it. If you need to get legal help, for the sake of your child, do so.
DRESS like you care about yourself.
This is another major one for me! Even when you’re not pregnant you have days where you just don’t feel like getting dressed, but try not to get too comfortable with this. When you look good, generally, you feel good. Do yourself the favor of putting on something that flatters whatever style belly you’re sporting and add on that award-winning smile. Let that pregnancy glow work for you! You’re pregnant, not dying.
..in everything. Even if it’s for making it up three flights of stairs without falling out–encourage yourself. Although you will have the support of others, it’s extremely important that you lift yourself up because there will be times when you’re feeling down and no one is around to help you. Between battling your hormones and trying to stay focused on remaining positive, self-encouragement really helps.
We plan, GOD laughs.
Ha! Boy I’ve never realized how true this is until now. No matter what plan you think you have set out for yourself… always remember whose got the final say so! As I approach my 25th birthday in two months, I kept saying, “I need something BIG for 25!” Little did I know, I was definitely set to receive a HUGE gift for 25–a beautiful blessing from the Most High. Be careful what you ask for!
A baby is a BLESSING, not a curse.
No matter how down you find yourself at times. No matter how alone you feel at times. No matter how many people are or are not happy for you. Never, ever, ever make yourself believe that this baby is here to hinder you from achieving anything in your life. A baby is the greatest blessing the good Lord bestows upon us. Also, keep in mind that some people would give there life to be able to bear children and still are physically incapable. Count your blessings.
Comfort FOOD is real, just make it healthy.
When you’re pregnant, automatically you feel fat. I think it might be a natural reaction to being single and pregnant–or to being pregnant in general, for that matter. You’re going to eat a lot. You’re going to eat even more on bad days. Comfort food and cravings are okay. What I try to do is choose healthy meals and healthy comfort foods so that when my cravings kick in… I can BINGE (a little)!
Consider having a BLESSINGWAY.
Most women have a baby shower before baby’s birth, but as a single mother you should consider having a blessingway as well, which is like a shower for the mother. I think of it as a ‘motherhood birthday’. It is a time for other mothers and supporters to come together and welcome you into motherhood. It’s yet another way for you to gain support, receive blessings, and to become excited about being a loving mother.
CELEBRATE YOUR PREGNANCY AND YOUR BABY.
ALWAYS. Take ‘bumpies’. Document your weeks. Send out a pregnancy announcement. Have a beautiful baby shower. Make baby registries–everywhere! Just enjoy the many beauties that come with experiencing pregnancy and motherhood. It’s really, really hard to feel down when you’re so distracted by the wonderful things that come with a happy, healthy pregnancy and delivery.
Thanks for all the congratulations and for always being so supportive, reader.
All my love.