Friends With Benefits
“Friends. How many of us have them? Friends…” But seriously–think about it. I only need two hands to count how many true friends I have. I literally mean people I could call no matter how great, how bad, how ugly the circumstances and they will ALWAYS be here for me. People I know will call my children (if I do ever have any) nieces and nephews. Friends who will be at my rehearsal dinner basking with me in my pre-marital bliss. Friends I could call and say something as serious as “I think somebody gave me something–come to the doctor with me” (because let’s face it–somebody has needed a friend for exactly that reason!)
Friends who won’t spare my feelings when I need to hear the reality in something. And I’m not just saying you’re willing to do these things until they upset you. I mean lifelong, thick and thin, no matter what, REAL FRIENDS. Can you ask a ‘friend’ for these types of favors and help? Also, keep in mind that real friends care about your dreams, your path in life, your future.. it’s not just about being there when things go bad, but also helping celebrate their everyday successes and accomplishments. That’s dedication.
I know right now your jogging your mind asking yourself, probably trying to reassure yourself that you do in fact already have people like this in your life. If you do FANTASTIC, but if you don’t–don’t lie to yourself.
Let me start by telling you now, if you, yourself, do not embody the qualities I listed in the beginning of this entry.. I highly doubt that you have these kinds of people in your life. And if you do, sorry, but you certainly don’t deserve them. I’m always reminding you all to treat people the way you want to be treated. I’m not saying it for no reason. You never know when you’re going to be down and out–even if it’s just for a moment. If you’re rude and nasty, or even just uncaring or unkind to people, those actions are bound to turn around and bite you right in the ass when you are in need the most. Everybody needs somebody! Anyway, I’m not here to point the finger or to make you feel bad, but more so to help you get friends if you lack them and to keep them if you’re blessed enough to have them already. Associates. You’ll meet about a million by the end of your life if you are a kind enough, socially stable person. But true, lifelong friends–I think it’s safe to say you get about, hmm… I’ll say 10 so I don’t scare anyone, in a lifetime. The only people I exclude in this would be those of us affiliated with Greek organizations or something of the like because that bond you create with your Line Sisters/Brothers is flat out irreplaceable and depending on your chapter, you could Cross with way more than just ten people so you’d have to add them into your other friends. Anyway, it’s important that we realize, soulmates don’t just come in the form of a significant other. You could and should be soulmates with your closest friends.
So about this friends with benefits thing. If you find that you wouldn’t go to ‘the ends of the Earth’ for the people you’ve currently labeled a friend… what makes them your friend? Ultimately, they benefit you in some way. It doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate that benefit, but if they discontinued that benefit it would come as no surprise that your ‘friendship’ would soon dissolve as well. The bible tells us that people come into our lives for a reason or for a season. Don’t ignore that. It’s okay to make new friends and it’s definitely okay to get rid of old ones sometimes. I think we all experience a time in life where we mentally outgrow people we are ‘friends’ with. It’s healthy. It’s developmental. I truly believe in trying to benefit someone, anyone, that comes into my life even if it’s merely for a season–that’s not my decision to make. It’s the Lord’s. As long as I do wrong to none and help as many of those as I can, I truly feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to within my friendships. Take a moment whenever you can to really evaluate those you call your friends versus those who TREAT you (and that you treat) as a friend–are the actions reciprocated, beneficial, hindering, abusing–really find out what that friendship is in your life. Make sure that those who are your real friends know how much you appreciate them and don’t feel bad about trimming ‘dead weight’. If there’s no real friendship/benefit, make room for the people you need to foster that friendship with and of course for new friendships.
To my FRIENDS–
I don’t know what I’d do without you. Your love for me doesn’t go unnoticed. We may not speak everyday, we’re not living 10 minutes from one another these days; but I love you just the same. Your prayers, your support, and your love are a part of my everyday survival kit. I need you all to survive. If I’ve not been there for you the way you need me, forgive me. It will never be my intention to lose or damage my support system. I can’t wait to share more of my life and those lifelong memories with you.
Peace and Love good people,