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This Is How I Changed My Lifestyle In The Pursuit Of Happiness

This is for the 20-Somethings.

As I creep upon 25, I am beginning to re-evaluate the things that are important to me. Not a few months ago, whenever I had a spare moment the first thing I wanted to do was be out and about. I’d spend 75 to 100 dollars on a night that I could barely remember and wake up not wanting to do anything the next day. For someone like me, whose happiness is kind of revolved around my productivity and growth, this behavior that I exhibited was “bringing me down” to say the least. Making good money at a job I was less than content working wasn’t enough, my home wasn’t enough, all the blessings I have were not enough and it was because I was wasting the one thing I could never get back. Time. This is not advice, but an insight to my personal journey on the Pursuit of Happiness and I just hope my experience so far (because I’m still going through it) helps someone else who needs it.

I took control of my wasted time. This was the biggest factor towards me wanting to change. I have a lot of personal aspects in my life that didn’t go the way I wanted them to because of bad timing. I hated that phrase, I felt like time was out of my control, and one day, I sat and thought to myself, “I do have control of time”. We may not control how much we are given, but we do control what we do while we have it. Bad timing is no longer an excuse, I decided to do away with it along with “I don’t have time”. I started making time for what I love and what I care about. I do not allow things that don’t bring me peace and happiness to consume the majority of my time. This is not to say “throw away your responsibilities,” but I am saying to prioritize your happiness over a to-do list.
I didn’t have to drink to have fun. This may not be a big thing for everyone, but it was for me. I feel like alcohol breaks the ice. There is nothing that can’t be said over a few cold ones, and I enjoy having good drinks and good friends around me. Now, alcohol isn’t the problem. The problem came about when every time I had a free night, I went to the bars and got shit-faced with my friends causing me to wake up the next morning hungover and lacking productivity. Some people can function in that state, I am not one of those people. It made me so angry to spend my whole day groggy and wasting that time laying on my couch drinking Pedialyte to make it through the day. So, I decided to pick up other hobbies, I introduced them to my friends, and I made new friends who enjoyed those hobbies as well. Plus, I was tired of going to the same bars doing the same things with the same people. The reason I used to like good drinks, and good friends in the first place was because I was making hilarious memories with people I loved. I traded spending that money at these clubs for saving the money for vacations, and road trips. Which gave me much more of a sense of fulfillment than a night out drinking ever did.
I embraced love and the moments I had with the people I loved. I work a crazy schedule, so these moments do not come often. However, as I go through my journey I find myself putting more effort towards being more present with the ones I love. Not just physically, but emotionally, and not just for them, but for me. Romantically, I always looked for the end, as of recently, I told myself to just be there, be present in the memories I’m making now because I am not in control of what happens in the future. With my family I have practiced forgiveness, I don’t allow myself to become angry over petty family arguments, because I love them and wouldn’t be half of who I am without them. With my friends, I acknowledge the blessings in the ones I have that support me through every venture. By embracing love and moments with my loved ones, I was respecting my blessings, and more aware of what I have, even when the things that did not fulfill me tried to rear their ugly head.
I had to care about my health. This is the hardest.>Haha! Anyone who knows me, know I am the biggest foodie. So, I traded an hour of sleep, for an hour at the gym. As I’ve mentioned a few times, I am currently living through this journey, so maybe one day I’ll eat better, but I can’t give food up just yet. I put in work at the gym though . I feel better all the time, even when I’m a little sore. I have more energy, and I’m taking back time that I previously lost. Not to mention my water intake has been ridiculous, and my skin is showing it.
I acknowledged that I can’t do it all, and forgive myself when I needed to. I am the hardest critic on myself, especially when it comes to being a mother. I want to be the super mom, have the clean house, home-cooked meals, folded laundry, go back to school, follow my dreams. But it can’t all get done at once. So sometimes, things fall through the cracks. So, I forgive myself when the house is a wreck and when I missed another semester to enroll because I was present for my daughter and I invested time in my craft. I forgive myself for giving my daughter macaroni and cheese three nights in a row because I went to the gym and she got to play at the park while I was there. You can’t do it all at once but it will get done.

As I go through my journey, I plan to keep you, readers, updated. As of now, this is what has paved the yellow brick road on my pursuit of happiness and it has been working flawlessly for me, so I hope it can do the same for you.

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5 Qualifying Characteristics Of The Perfect Rebound Guy

Filed in: Relationships

I know we have all heard “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.” Though I don’t 100% agree with this method, I do know from experience the value in having a quality person to spend time with after a break-up holds. This can’t be just anybody, you probably should be more picky with this person then someone you’d actually wanna be with, but they should hold these characteristics to qualify as The Perfect Rebound.

They have to be FUN! This is not a relationship. This is a friend for lack of a better term. They have to be someone you enjoy being around. The rebound’s purpose is to help you bounce back. Find someone who can teach you something new, that enjoys what you enjoy, etc. Basically, they need to be a good time.
They have to be eye candy. Helllooooooo?! They have to be attractive. Don’t just pick the first decent guy that has an awesome personality. We’re not looking for a relationship with the rebound. We’re looking for fun and we’re being a little shallow during this time. Let’s face the facts, a “good personality” just isn’t gonna cut it this time around.
They have to know their place. Don’t get it twisted. You are required to be honest with them about the role they are playing. Do not allow your rebound to catch feelings or be under the impression that they will ever be more than a rebound. This is not a safe zone for a relationship. No matter how much you enjoy their company, you NEED time alone to truly be ready to move forward to another relationship, even if it is with them. So be honest. But I urge you to also be careful. Rushing into a relationship right after a break-up is setting yourself up for failure in the next relationship.
They have to have sexual chemistry with you. You can’t have a rebound who’s sex game is whack. *shrugs* That is counter-productive–especially if your ex was talented in that region. Your rebound should be mind-blowing, but we can settle for great. Haha! This is the perfect time to get all those little sexual kinks you have scratched. There’s no room for discomfort. You’re trying to build that confidence all over again. You’re irresistible so let them remind you of that. However, be safe, this is obviously a casual encounter, so protect yourselves!
Side Bar: You don’t HAVE to have sex to feel like you’ve moved on. I have experienced rebounds that were not physical in nature that was just as effective, as where I would have initiated a sexual relationship.
They have to be funny. Personally, a good laugh gets me through any and everything. My successful rebounds in the past are the funniest/goofiest people I know. It’s just a part of them being enjoyable company.
They have to care about you (and you should care about them too). There’s no reason why you guys can’t be friends, especially if the lines are drawn very clearly about the nature of your relationship. This goes to my original statement about how I don’t believe “getting under someone” is the best way to get over an ex. There does have to be a connection between the two of you, the connection just can’t be romantic. Having someone who cared about me on top of all these other qualities created friendships between me and these people who helped me move on from past relationships.

The rebound game isn’t for everyone. Some people aren’t able to separate the platonic and romantic connections. However, if you find someone who is, and you feel that’s what you need to continue on to the next step for your personal growth and eventual continuance on to your next relationship, enjoy yourself! This is a time to be free and explore and to have fun. Use this connection to learn more of yourself and what you need from another person, but tread carefully. Do not cause undue hurt onto an unsuspecting participant whilst trying to find yourself.

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A Guideline To Approaching Her “Woman-To-Woman”

Filed in: Relationships

It’s time to go to her woman-to-woman.

We’re getting a little personal today. About three years ago, I found myself as someone’s wife compelled to address another woman about her relationship with my–now–ex-husband.

I had my suspicions about the relationship for about six months before ever taking any action, but I wanted black and white evidence of the relationship before I did anything hasty (in case you’re wondering how the hell I played “happy wife, happy life” for half a year). I didn’t want him or the other woman to change their behaviors based on my suspicion. You lose your upper hand when they find out you know and I didn’t want anything to stand in my way before leaving the relationship confidently with no regrets. This was a defining moment for me as a woman, not just in that relationship. I sincerely believe that my approach had everything to do with why I so gracefully exited this man’s life. No tears, it wasn’t hard. It was the most peaceful thing I’ve ever done in my life. Coming to any woman about infidelities, whether you’re the woman in that man’s life or “the other woman” is a game of strategy. This is not to put this man in a corner, provide ultimatums, or cause embarrassment. I’m not sure what it is about us as women, that we so quickly jump at each other’s throats for the affection of men we love. Ask yourself, “who put me in this situation?” You’re probably blinded by love if you take this moment and still find a way to blame her. Personally, I believe if you’re coming to someone “as a woman”, this should be the last straw–you need to be prepared to leave. This tactic is a waste of time for any other end game. So whether you are a wife, girlfriend, or mistress, take heed of my advice. I only come to offer peace of mind and self-empowerment.

Let’s talk about the do’s and don’ts of coming to her as a woman.

All loyalties aside, BE HONEST. That doesn’t mean you have to go into the toe-curling passionate details of your romance with this shared man, but denying the relationship is wrong. Always shift the responsibility for the actual details to the man. At this point, the jig is up. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. Sidebar: Some women feel a bond from knowing they share the same pain. Y’all are not friends. While being honest, there is no need to compare notes. Y’all are not in a relationship with each other. You ladies are in one with him. Talking to each other should only be a means of confirmation not a comparison or “he said, she said”. Get the ‘yes’ or ‘no’, hang up the phone, and handle your business accordingly.
If the conversation is amicable, maintain that energy. There is no need to get riled up in your emotions. If you’re the approaching woman, TAKE A BREATH. You’re not going to get any information you need yelling, acting crazy, and calling names. If you’re on the receiving end, don’t get all defensive. Be understanding. Whether you did or you didn’t know, talk like the adults you are. The moment anyone loses their bearing, everyone has wasted their time.
Do not approach another woman if you’re not prepared to leave. This is the most important rule when coming to another woman about her or your man’s infidelities. Personally, any woman-to-woman conversation I have is to seal the deal on a relationship I am currently involved in. I just want the evidence. Tell me what he did so I can get closure and BOUNCE. Too many of us misuse this strategic move. This move is not to make your man sweat, as a lot of you like to use it for–’cause trust me, he isn’t sweating a bit. It is to end the game. FINISH HIM! The moment you acknowledge that you know about the other woman and stay, you have given him all the power, and he will do it again. If you’re not prepared to leave, let that man cheat in peace until you are. It’s not about him cheating; it’s about your peace of mind. You’ll feel better for it when you only have to go through this situation once, and NEVER turn back. If you’re “the other woman” making this approach, the same goes for you. If you have the gall to expose your involvement in infidelity then hopefully you have prepared to remove yourself as well. Do not come to her as a woman thinking he’s going to come to you if she leaves him because 1) if he wanted to be with you he could have been, but he didn’t and 2) you don’t want a man who is using you as a safety net. This situation doesn’t define you. Everyone has their reasons when put in situations like this, but you’re worth more than being someone’s option. Just remember ladies, this isn’t checkers… it’s chess.
Don’t ever, and I do mean NEVER, come to another woman “as a woman”–with your friends. Keep that mess in the group chat, girl. This is more of a suggestion for your image for two reasons. 1) You look weak approaching this girl with a pack of irrelevant ass (insert plural terms of endearment). 2) This is between you and her. This concept is for clarity and closure–not to make a scene–so save the witty phrases you prepared to embarrass her with, for never. She owes you nothing, so why are you gonna attack her?
As I just said, this other woman owes you nothing. There are an array of possibilities here. She could not know you exist. He could be feeding her lies about the part you play in his life. Or honestly, she could just love him too damn much to care.
Don’t forget this woman owes you nothing, but he does. This goes for either side. Plain and simple, she didn’t hurt you. No matter what tough exterior a lot of women present when put in this position, I guarantee you, she’s just as hurt as you are–but that won’t matter to either one of you at that very moment. This is when you have to step back and take the blame off each other. No matter the circumstance, you should not have been put in the situation to feel the need to approach another woman. The girl on the other end of the line doesn’t have a responsibility to be faithful and loyal to you.

Woman-to-woman, I’ll tell you again, it’s time to leave if you even feel the need to put yourself in this situation. This approach is ALWAYS for “clarity then closure,” never for show.

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This Is How To Attract The Free-Spirited Woman You’re Crushing On

Filed in: Relationships

She’s addicting, isn’t she?

She’s passionate, bold, and sexy AF. There’s almost a thrill in just chasing her alone, but you’d probably be lying if you said that was all you wanted from her. There’s nothing wrong with meeting a woman who blows you away–and you shouldn’t be afraid to take the risk of trying to genuinely get to know her. Before we get started, I still feel the need to offer a disclaimer that this is not an article to promise you’ll win the woman, but I am doing my best to help you get in there. I won’t lie to you, it won’t be easy–but this kind of woman is usually 100% worth it. This is how to attract the free-spirited woman you’re crushing on. Let’s get into it!

Be original with your “A-Game.” One thing I’ve come to learn over time is that several men believe their “A-game” is on point. I gotta be honest with you though, most of you are not quite there. Times are changing and so are women’s standards. I’m not saying that I agree with how far certain women are asking men to go to “prove themselves,” but still, women can be quite demanding–even in the ‘getting to know you’ stages. So, when you come with your A-game try to revamp what you usually do. The free-spirited woman has been over the usual thing men do to get her attention. I can’t tell you exactly what that is, but I can tell you that your approach should be very, very different.
Speak meaningfully and with purpose. When you do finally get her attention, please for the love of God, don’t put your foot in your mouth. Don’t use pet names. Don’t ask her ‘wyd’. Speak meaningfully and with purpose. The free-spirited woman is strong and her attention span is short. She is always looking for the next thing that will literally ignite her soul. This could be you. I’m not telling you to begin quoting Shakespeare, but dig deep for something really good to say to her. Remember, attention-getting is always the first thing you start with in any successful presentation.
Accept her fully. I can’t stand to find out that someone pursued a free-spirited woman only to hold things of her past against her. If I can be honest, I can’t stand when anyone has their past held against them. I mean, who are you? Jesus?–Didn’t think so. If you’re going to go after the free-spirited woman, it’s important to remember that she is exactly that. Free. That means there is a very high chance that she’s taken some risks in life and has also made some bad decisions. Then again, who hasn’t? Still, because she is so free-spirited she didn’t allow it to hold her back or scare her into being someone else. I promise you it’ll pay off way more to remember this than to remember something she did before she even knew you existed.
Don’t be infatuated with her–actually get to know her. If you’re going to attract the free-spirited woman, do your absolute best to genuinely get to know her. Do not think of her as the woman you’ve seen in passing or the woman you see online. You’ve got to start fresh. Learn the real her. Chances are that those women (online and IRL) are indeed the same, but the free-spirited woman can feel when you’re just attracted to the idea of her and not who she actually is. It literally shows in just about everything you do.
Indulge in her dreams. One of the number one ways to attract the free-spirited woman is to indulge yourself in her dreams and fantasies. This kind of woman always has a racing mind. She’s always thinking up ideas or daydreaming on her passions. As I mentioned before, she is constantly in search of the things that truly set her soul on fire. If you can, learn about them. Talk with her about them. Fuel her so that you, too, can be something that sets her soul on fire.
Motivate her and if possible inspire her. Although many believe the two words are interchangeable, I believe they are different. You can motivate her to follow her dreams and pursue the things she’s passionate about by encouraging her and supporting her. This is extremely important and in my opinion, it’s crucial to attracting the free-spirited woman. You should also find ways to inspire her though. When you’re listening to her talk about her passions and learning more about her dreams, you should be able to find things to inspire her if you aren’t one of those things yourself. It’s as simple as seeing a painting and sending her a text saying, “I bet you could create something as powerful as this if not better.” It’s sexy, it’s a challenge, and she’ll be elated that you believe in her vision.
Take her on an unforgettable date. No, it’s not the end-all-be-all if you’ve already missed the mark with this one, but remember she’s free-spirited. She’s creative and original. Try to take her on a date that doesn’t let the other dates she’s been on even stand a chance in her memory of “bests.” It might seem a bit intimidating at first, but I promise you, if you are crushing on her the way I think you are and your intentions are actually good… you’ll think up the perfect date.
Be present, but give her space. Again, when you’ve got the conversation going or you two have been on a few dates, stay relevant. Stay present. Talk to her often–but remember to give her space. The free-spirited woman, contrary to popular belief, can be tied down–she just needs room to fly when she needs to. Don’t be too overprotective or you’ll be sure to lose her. Don’t disregard the fact that she needs you around as well though. She will want to fly, but she’ll come back to the nest that makes her feel at home–loved and protected.
Don’t run at the first sign of her dominance. The free-spirited woman isn’t about bullshit–but you know this already. Don’t run at her first sign of dominance. There is likely going to be something that occurs between the two of you that causes her to get a little attitude or to “define” a situation. Don’t revolt. Try to understand where she is coming from. I’m sure there is some reason behind why she felt the need to raise her stinger a bit. Some understanding and communication are sure to settle her right on back down. I promise.

Don’t give up on her.

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20 Mid-Day Texts To Make Him Smile

Filed in: Relationships

How often do you really put forth the effort to make him smile? Men deserve to feel needed and wanted just like we desire to be, ladies. I don’t know about you, but I love getting a random text of endearment from my man. It lets me know that he’s thinking about me no matter how near or far apart we are or what’s going on in his day. It also reminds me that he isn’t too “cool” to express his feelings and reassure me how lucky he feels to have me by his side. We should want to make our man feel this way too. Don’t go all out on Valentine’s Day or his birthday, but fail to show him the same endearment or love on the days in-between. You wouldn’t appreciate it if those were the only times he did it for you, would you? If you’re looking for a few examples on how to show your man you’re still feeling him just as much as the first day you all started seeing each other, it really isn’t that difficult. A text is a simple, easy way to get the ball rolling. Here are 20 mid-day texts to make him smile! Let’s get into it!

Listening to <insert song> and it reminds me of you.
You make me so happy.
Just wanted to remind you of how much I love you.
I can’t wait to get my hands on you later.
Meet me for lunch? I hate going the whole day without seeing you.
Remember when <insert memory here>. That always brings a smile to my face.
You’re so sexy, babe.
I picked up wine and a movie for later. You choose the food. Love you.
How did I get so lucky?
I miss you.
I’m so proud to call you mine, babe. Just a reminder.
<insert sexy picture>.
Overheard someone talking about how unhappy they were in their relationship. I couldn’t relate. Thank you for being you.
Babe! Guess what?! *wait on reply* I love you. Lol corny, but I promise he’ll think it’s at least a little bit cute.
I’ve been thinking about you all day.
When you get off make sure you’re free for the rest of the night. I’ve got plans for you! <insert mood-appropriate emoji>
You really do bring out the best in me. Thanks, babe.
I just finished <insert current project he knows about>. Couldn’t have done it without your support!
You are such a hardworking man. I appreciate you baby.
If you’re having a bad day… don’t worry about it. I have every intention of making sure your night is amazing.

Again, these are just a few examples of mid-day texts to make him smile, but ultimately it’s just letting him know how much you care for him. If you have a good man in your life, it’s important to make sure he knows that. He needs to be reminded of how special he is to you, girl! Don’t be shy. Make that man’s day!

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10 Things She Wants From You More Than Sex And Money

Filed in: Lifestyle, Relationships

Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. We’ve seen fancy gifts and expensive dinners up and down our timelines–and while there’s nothing wrong with that at all, it’s not all that matter. There are a good number of women who claim not to want or need a man for anything and while that could very well be, I believe there are many things being in a relationship gets you that money can never provide. Here are 10 things she wants from you more than money and sex.

She wants a friendship. Women want companionship. We want to be able to sit back and watch a movie with you–no “Netflix and chill.” We want to be able to have a beer and watch the game with you (even if we don’t fully understand what’s going on). We want to be able to call you with the latest tea. We want to share moments with you that make us laugh so hard that our ‘ugly laugh’ comes out. We want to build an unbreakable bond with you.
She wants your time. We want to spend quality time with you whether doing something fun or just snuggled up on the couch. It’s no myth that people make time for the things that are important to them. This is one of the simplest ways to show her that you care about her.
She wants your attention. Obviously, women want attention. We want to know that you care when we’re sick by bringing soup–or at least asking if we need anything. We want to hear you compliment us when we spend an extra 20 minutes perfecting out brows for date night (just in case any photo ops arise). We want you to know the difference between our moods without us having to tell you in detail that something’s up. We want you to pay attention to us.
She wants your affection. There’s a reason why Tank, Bruno Mars, and Trey Songz can just about sing the panties off of most women. It’s what they’re saying. It’s the affection that they sing about showing their women. I don’t know what it is specifically about needing affection, but we need that shit. We want forehead kisses, booty rubs, and foot massages–and if that’s not the way you show your affection, that’s cool too… but whatever way you show your affection, show her.
She wants your protection. Inside a man’s arms is one of the safest places a woman can find herself. We want to feel protected by you. We want to know that our mind, body, and heart is safe under your supervision–for a lack of better words. The security we get from knowing that you are concerned with our wellbeing is comforting beyond measure. A man who loves a woman will protect her at all costs and that’s exactly what we’re looking for.
She wants to meet your friends. We don’t want to meet your friends to take our pick of the cutest ones. We don’t want to meet your friends to introduce them to our girls. We don’t want to meet your friends so they’ll tell us what you’re up to when you’re not with us. We want to meet your friends so that they know who you’re with and that we’ll be around from time to time. We want them to be comfortable around us and know that you’re in good hands being with us.
She wants to meet your family. Don’t introduce a woman to your family who isn’t significant because no matter how she says she feels about it, it’s important. Women don’t take meeting the family lightly, and we shouldn’t. The same way we want to meet your friends to let them know what’s up, we want to do that with your family. We want them to know that we’re here for the long haul (or at least we want to be) and that we are going to do our best to make you happy.
She wants to be shown off. There’s something special about being with a man who is so proud to have you by his side that he feels the need to share it with others. It doesn’t have to be a million social media posts–or even any at all–but we want to feel like you’re proud to be with us and that you made the decision consciously. Just like with showing affection, there’s no one recipe that works, but whatever way you can show her off that you’re comfortable with, do so. Show her how much she means to you.
She wants to mean the world to you. WE. WANT. TO. FEEL. LIKE. THE. ONLY. GIRL. IN. THE. WORLD. No, we’re not… but we want to feel like this. We want to feel like we’re the reason why you smile. We want to feel like you only have eyes for us. Any man in a successful relationship knows that. Yes, we’re extra… but if you do this often enough, we won’t show it as much!
She wants to build a life with you. Ultimately, we want to support you, love you, and treat you the same way we want to be treated. We want to be the partner you choose not to live without. We want to grow with you and build a life together. Take your time getting there, but this should be the main goal in any successful relationship.

Yes, flowers, shoes, and other gifts will make any girl feel special, but it’s definitely not all that matters.

This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.

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These Are The Things That Are Ruining Your Relationship

Filed in: Relationships

Relationships don’t always fail on the account of someone outside of your relationship. As much as most people would like to blame their failed relationships on their weak-willed partner or a side-piece, that is not always the case. You could possibly be the problem. We don’t like to admit it, but if you find the following actions familiar, these things are ruining your relationship.

You don’t trust your partner. I say it all the time, “without trust, there’s nothing.” I don’t think there is anything else I believe more when it comes to relationships. If you’re always questioning your partner about where they’re going and who they’re with, it could be ruining your relationship.
You’re overbearing. They’re your partner–not your child. There is a way to be supportive and caring towards your partner without being their mama. It’s not just women, either. Men have a tendency to be overprotective of their partner as well. Both of you need your personal space!
You compare your partner to your ex. This is completely unfair and extremely damaging to any relationship. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Don’t insult your partner by constantly comparing them to someone you are no longer with. If you want them to be your ex, you’re not ready for a new relationship.
You compare your relationship to other people’s relationships. Stay off Instagram. Nothing irks me more than hearing someone judging their relationship based on a social media post of someone else. Again, this is unfair and damaging to any relationship because most of the things you see on social media aren’t what they appear to be anyway. False hope to say the least!
You struggle with personal insecurities. When you’re insecure, your judgment is clouded and you are unable to fully give of yourself because you’re constantly searching for approval and/or proof of wrongdoing. Nevertheless, there are ways to work through your insecurities. Also, if you have a supportive partner, they will reassure you of the things you feel insecure about. Accept what they’re saying to you. Don’t reject their reassurance.
You bottle your emotions. Communication is key to the success of any relationship. You need to be able to communicate how you’re feeling to your partner because no matter how much you think they can read your mind–I promise you, they can’t. Speak up for yourself and your feelings.
You jump to conclusions. Naturally, because you don’t express your emotions properly, you find yourself jumping to conclusions and assuming things when you could just ask for clarity. Remember when you assume things, most times you’re just making an ass of yourself.
You don’t implement consequences. Another big thing is letting your partner do whatever they want without implementing consequences for wrongdoing. I can’t tell you whether you should or shouldn’t stay with someone who cheated on you, but I can absolutely encourage you to make sure there are consequences for those kinds of action! People do what you let them get away with. Stand your ground!
You complain a lot.
Nobody wants to be with someone who is a professional complainer. Most times, people like this suck the life out of all things good. We’re dropping all that kind of shit in 2018. Believe me.
You’re unappreciative. Usually, when you do one or more of the previously mentioned, you have a hard time being appreciative of the efforts your partner is putting in to make you happy. Remember that effort and action looks different for everybody. Don’t undermine the efforts of your partner because they don’t fit the vision you think you have for yourself, especially when it’s based on a thing of the past.

If you found that you’re guilty of ruining your relationship, don’t panic. The good thing about finding a problem is that you’re presented with the opportunity to come up with a solution! Fix things. Work on you. And really make somebody happy.

Here’s to getting things right.

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This Is For The Women Who Feel Like They’ll Be Single Forever

Filed in: Uncategorized

Fret not, my love.

You’ve made it through the toughest time to be single–the holidays. Now that the holidays are over and all 5,000 people on your timeline have shown off their holiday engagement rings, you should be able to shake off that negative feeling.

It’s super easy to feel like you’re bound to be single forever when the majority of the people around you are in (what appears to be) a happy relationship. If you’re spending a lot of time looking around on social media and not really spending quality time with yourself you allow those negative thoughts to really cloud your mind.

Here are a few ways to cope when you start to feel like you will be single forever.

Hang out with your single friends. If all your friends are in a relationship, it’s not a bad idea to extend your circle just a bit. It’s really hard to get away from feeling negative about being single when all you do is surround yourself with people who are in a relationship. Find yourself some single friends who are comfortable with their singleness. They’ll show you how to enjoy being single and you’ll have a lot of fun being with them!
Pamper yourself–a lot. One of my favorite things to do is find new ways to treat myself. Celebrate yourself and love yourself, always. If you can’t love you, how do you expect someone else to?
Spend time with family. Sometimes we are worried about the wrong relationships. Spend some time developing a closer relationship with your family to occupy your time and mind. If you are spending time around people you love, you won’t spend a lot of time thinking about the love you don’t have in your life at the moment.
Don’t wallow in pity. For the love of God, please don’t sulk. You are someone’s dream. I promise. Instead of sulking, celebrate your singleness and prepare yourself for the day that you do meet your partner.
Join a dating app. It’s 2018. There is nothing wrong with joining a social dating app to meet some potential partners. It can be scary and it can even seem desperate, but I guarantee you, you’re going to see some familiar faces. We all want to find love for the most part. You’re not doing yourself any harm by putting yourself out there. SoulSwipe is my favorite, by the way.
Don’t spend too many nights alone. Try to limit the time you spend at home alone. I’m not saying invite people into your room at night, but I am saying make sure you’re staying active and visiting friends and family. We all know that nighttime is the loneliest time.
Invest in a toy or a buddy. If you are strong enough to have a sexual relationship with someone you’re not in a romantic relationship with and it’s a mutual decision for both of you, I don’t see anything wrong in engaging in one. If you know that you will want more, I wouldn’t recommend it. Otherwise, invest in a good toy because it’s no secret that being single doesn’t stop the urge!
Go out on your own. I love going out on my own. I’ll be the first person to take a seat at the bar and start talking to other people I see out alone. It’s the perfect way to master your confidence. Without confidence, you’re not leaving much for people to be attracted too, my love!
Meet new people. How will you meet the one if you’re not broadening your horizons? Branch out and meet new people. Embrace the newness. Be flirtatious. Be kind. You won’t regret it. If nothing else, you’ll make some really good friends.
Keep hope alive. At the end of the day, you’ve got to keep hope alive. Never give up on love. You deserve it and it will find you. Stay confident in that fact. God makes us wait for the right thing. Waiting doesn’t have to be miserable, but we’ve all had to do it.

Here’s to being single and happy, boo! You got this!

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10 Deal Breakers That Prove He’s Not ‘The One’

Filed in: Relationships

“How many times do I have to kiss a frog before one of them turns into Prince Charming?”

I hear you loud and clear, girl. I’m tired too.

If you’re anything like me you’re pretty good at reading people, but you manage to look past the red flags you see in people you like. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, as we are certainly not alone on this, but it’s definitely something we can work a little harder at changing in the new year. Nevertheless, if we ever want to find ‘the one’ we’ve got to keep our eyes peeled and pay attention to detail, so we can stop wasting so much time with the wrong men. We don’t often admit it, but there are sure as hell signs that scream “don’t do it” before we get too deeply involved; we’ve just got to make the effort to see it. These are 10 deal breakers that prove he’s not ‘the one’.

He lacks trust. This should always be one of your top deal breakers, sis. Without trust, there’s nothing. Literally. Unfortunately, the lack of trust he has for you usually comes from personal insecurities he’s dealing with within himself. It could also be a result of something a previous girlfriend did to him or vice versa. Nevertheless, it is one of the most damaging and difficult things to deal with in a relationship—especially when you haven’t even given them a reason not to trust you. Ultimately, you can’t build a lasting relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you.
He lacks ambition. I literally cannot imagine how hard it must be to spend your life with someone who doesn’t want anything out of life. It sounds boring AF if you ask me. I want to be sympathetic, but at the same time, I can’t stand the fact that people go through life without realizing they need to, and even more importantly, deserve to live a full life with reason and purpose. If you find a beau who hasn’t quite tapped into that mindset, help him find the way girl! If you find that he isn’t interested in being ambitious about anything, do yourself the favor and move on.
He lacks confidence. It’s a sad sight to see, but just like with lacking ambition, this could potentially be fixed. Sometimes a man just doesn’t see how great he truly is and he needs you to show him that. If you really like him, it shouldn’t be hard to point out the things about him that made you want to be with him for the long haul. Share with him the things that make him more important and special than the other guys he is worried about and reassure him that you are with him because you want to be. Some men just need to hear it. If he doesn’t bite, you may want to consider moving on because a lack of confidence could potentially bring a slew of insecurities to follow.
He’s insecure. It’s hard to build with someone who struggles with insecurities. If he is struggling with insecurities, it’s important to try and identify the source so that you can find ways to reassure him. Although, it’s not your responsibility per se if you truly care about someone you put effort into whatever is needed for you two to grow together. That’s really the only way I see you being able to bring about a solution to this non-negotiable. If he seems reluctant and won’t accept your reassurance, get out of there.
He only turns you on physically. If he’s ‘the one’ there should be so much more to him that turns you on than just the physical. If he can’t arouse and/or stimulate you with his mind and his personality, that is definitely not a sign that you’re with the right man, girlfriend.
His sex game is mediocre. No, it’s not all that matters, but let’s be clear—it matters. You deserve to have mind-blowing sex with the person you want to do life with. Everything won’t be perfect, but the sex should be at least an eight on a scale of one to ten, sis. Don’t cheat yourself! Sexually compatibility is very important in a lasting relationship. If you two don’t sync sexually, your relationship might sink instead.
He picks fights with you for little to no reason. First of all, you’re not in high school so if you’re dating someone who reminds you of being there… that’s a problem. The only benefit to a silly fight is makeup sex, but it is no longer cute or worth making up for when it becomes a regular event. When you’re with someone you care about you learn to pick and choose your battles. You definitely don’t make the decision to ruffle your partner’s feathers for shits and giggles. You need a man, not a boy.
He doesn’t tear you down, but he doesn’t build you up either. Some people may not agree with me on this because they stay focused on the fact that he doesn’t spend his time tearing you down—which is great, don’t get me wrong–however, it’s still important to be with someone who wants to bring out the best in you. You don’t want to be with someone who is content with either one of you being stagnant. You deserve a man who desires and looks forward to building you up whenever he gets the chance to (and you should definitely be doing the same for him)!
He constantly complains about the things that make you, you. When you find ‘the one’ it’s the quirky things about him that you learn to love. Some might argue that you end up loving him just that much more because of it. You don’t want to spend your life with someone who is annoyed by the habits and mannerisms that make you, you. No, I’m not saying he’s going to love every annoying thing you do or vice versa, but he shouldn’t spend the majority of his time complaining about the things you do that you more than likely can’t even control.
He has life goals, but they don’t align with yours. At the end of the day, when you’ve truly found ‘the one’ the two of you should have similar life goals. You two should have clear, concise plans on how to reach those goals together. If you can’t talk about the future, and better yet, can’t plan for sharing one together… he’s definitely not ‘the one’.

Here’s to continuing on in the search, girl! We got this.

This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.

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5 Things You Should Know About Dating The Girl Who Is Close To Her Family

Filed in: Relationships

Okay, first of all, this is me.

Being Southern bred, the majority of us girls are close to our family. We are used to Sunday dinner at grandma’s and spending (even the little) holidays with the entire family–yes, football games count as holidays. We are used to being surrounded by the love and agitation that comes with family. With that, this also makes us one of the best types of girls to date because we love differently altogether. The girl who is close to her family is usually full in the things that matter most to the people who are the happiest–life, love, and laughter. Sounds corny, but it’s true. She’s happy, which usually makes her confident, passionate, and capable of doing the same for you.

Although there are many benefits to dating the girl who is close to her family, it could also be potentially complicated if you’ve never done so before. Fear not. Don’t let that deter you from dating her, you just need to take the right approach when doing so. This is what you should know before dating the girl who is close to her family.

When dating the girl who is close to her family, she may be eager to get you to meet them. She might invite you to a small dinner with the immediate family or invite you over for Sunday Football. Whichever the case, remember one thing. Do not meet the family until you’re ready to commit. If you don’t have any plans of committing to being her boyfriend, I’d advise you to stay away from this type of gathering. The family is already going to receive you as ‘more than a friend’ because you’re being introduced to them anyway–even if she calls you a friend. If you don’t want to be with her, kindly decline and make sure you tell her why.

If you decide that you are ready to commit, good for you. Meeting the family should be a great experience. However, when you attend your first family function remember that you can either be yourself or be embarrassed. I don’t know what it is with the men in my family, but they can smell a phony from a mile away. I can tell you one thing for sure, it’s a lot easier being yourself than pretending to be something you’re not and with my family… first impressions are truly lasting. If they aren’t impressed, you won’t be coming back around. The way to impress them the best though is by being genuine. If you drink, grab a beer and sit and watch the game with the men. No need to hang around your lady the entire time, they know who you’re there with. Take a load off and let the family get to know you a little. There’s nothing to be afraid of–unless her father is crazy AF. Then, you should be afraid.

I’m (mildly) joking. Not just the father though, some family members can be a bit much, but hopefully, she gives you a warning before meeting them. The main thing to remember when dating the girl that is close to her family is that they are going to protect her. They want her to be happy and as long as she is, there is nothing to worry about. If trouble arises in paradise–and it will–that’s okay, but try to handle the issues directly between the two of you because once your name is tainted within the family, the chances of you coming back around are slim to none. The bottom line is this… when you date the girl who is close to her family, you’re not just dating her, you’re dating the family. From the daddy on down, the family is just as invested in you as she is. If you’re a good guy (which I’m sure you are) they are going to do their best to root you two on to the real thing!

This article was originally written by Editor-in-chief of Prime Fifty-Two, Isis Nezbeth, and can also be seen on Thought Catalog.

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