You’ve probably already started to convince yourself that you can’t leave him when you clicked this; but you need to, sis.
Although Valentine’s Day is great for some, for otherse0, it really fucking sucks. And I’m not talking about just the ‘singles’ either. I’m talking about the person who is going to be disappointed by the zero effort that their “significant other” put into Valentine’s Day—again. I’m talking about the woman who is turning down great men left and right to be faithful to her situationship with a guy she knows is no good for her. If that sounds like you, this is why you can’t leave him when you know you should.
1. You can’t leave him because you’re convincing yourself that nothing is wrong.
Unfortunately, denial is a drug of choice for many women. First things first. You’ve got to come to the light, baby. If all of your friends and family are questioning why you’re still holding on to such a broken person or relationship, it’s usually because you shouldn’t be. You’re doing yourself a disservice by lying to yourself. Still, a woman in love can manage to convince herself that there isn’t anything wrong with her man or her relationship thus leading her to continue to “fight” for the love she believes in—even when no one else does.
2. You can’t leave him because you’re convincing yourself that ‘overall’ you’re happy.
Many of us were taught that “if the good outweighs the bad” we should stick things out. I don’t really think we understand that phrase too well as millennials. How can I put this? It doesn’t mean if you can convince yourself that most things are ‘okay’ that the bad things aren’t that bad. It doesn’t mean that you have to be ride or die just because the two of you shared some good times. If ‘the good ole days’ are the only happy thoughts you have to convince you that the relationship is still holding on, you’re probably in denial. If you’re having to constantly tell yourself that overall you’re happy—you’re probably not actually happy.
3. You can’t let him go because you’re afraid of losing him to another woman.
It breaks my heart to know that we can become so afraid of moving on to a better, healthier relationship that we choose to stay in shitty relationships simply because we don’t want to “lose” our guy to the other woman (or women) in his life. I know it sucks, but is literally the dumbest decision you can make for yourself. If other women can occupy his time and attention that easy… baby, let him go on his merry way! Yes, it’ll hurt initially to let him go, but you will bounce back.
4. You can’t leave him because you’re afraid of being alone.
Getting out of a really serious relationship changes a lot of things in your life. I get it. You’re used to thinking, feeling, and living for the two of you. That’s just who we are as women. Don’t be afraid to leave a no-good man because you’re afraid of being alone. Being alone after being in a toxic relationship is an amazing way to build yourself back up, properly heal, and place your crown back on your head where it belongs. Take you time and be sure to embrace your singleness, girl!
5. You can’t leave him because you’re worried that you won’t find better.
You probably don’t want to admit it, but another reason you can’t leave him is because you’re afraid that you won’t find anyone better than him. And when I say better than him, I mean in the way you see him—not everybody else. You don’t think you’ll find anyone who makes you feel the way he does… but I promise you, if you heal and move on, you’ll find someone who will completely change your outlook on love because they will actually put in the effort to love you the right way—and that is exactly what you deserve! Give a real man a chance to both change and blow your mind.
6. You can’t leave him because you’re trying to hold on to past memories.
You want to know why it’s so easy to convince yourself that you need to work through this dead-end relationship? Because you’re stuck on things that used to be. You’re stuck thinking about how he was when you first got together. You’re still telling people about the way he used to make you feel and all the wonderful things he used to do. Your selling yourself short becayse you gotta live life in the present. Remember, he was never supposed to stop doing the things it took to get with you in the first place!
7. You can’t leave him because you’re trying to avoid the “I told you so’s.”
When you finally get out of this toxic relationship, you’ll have a few people who will be proud of you and cheer you on… but you’ll also have to face those people who can’t wait to tell you “I told you so.” To be quite frank, it’s annoying AF, but it’s not the end of the world. Let them say their piece and wash it down with a shot of tequila. You’ll be alright.
8. You can’t leave him because you’re putting him first.
At the end of the day, you’re putting him and his feelings over your own. You’re not choosing yourself, and that will ALWAYS put you on the wrong side of the tracks. Ask yourself one question… does he put my feelings before his own? I’m assuming the answer is no. Choose yourself, baby. YOU’RE WORTH IT.
Set yourself free, Queen.
Read more original Goddess Column content from Isis on Thought Catalog.