How many times have you heard a person say they have trust issues? I’d be a millionaire by now if I had a buck for every time. One thing made very clear by that statement is that the person saying it is definitely ‘out of order’. You can’t have love without trust–and we all need love. So today, we’re doing it for the brokenhearted.
The first thing to understand is that the issue lies within the person experiencing the hurt, not the person who has done the hurt. I think more often than not we forget that trusting comes from inside ourselves. It’s okay to be hurt, but you have to be willing to move past the hurt or you will never be happy and the person who broke your heart more than likely won’t be losing any sleep at night. More importantly, if you never move past that hurt the next person to be with you has to deal with all that hurt and anger you’re feeling from the person who caused your pain.
It’s especially unfair to the caring people in your life. I always feel slightly offended when someone I feel close to exclaims that they ‘don’t trust anyone’. Probably because I know I am a very trustworthy person, but whatever the reason–I can’t lie–it definitely makes me feel like the person is a phony after that point. It’s an excuse to me and it definitely shows that that person has a lot of emotional growth to undergo.
When I’m working on a relationship, whether with family, friends, or a significant other…I always make sure I go into it with an open heart, an open mind, and I leave any other growing pains behind me. Now that I’ve taken the time to get myself together emotionally, I don’t allow my heart to feel as heavy as it once did. I apply the 24-hour rule. The 24-hour rule says, “From the moment the issue at hand arises, I have 24 hours to address the person responsible for the cause of the issue. I’ll say my part, and if they’re willing, they will say theirs. We can then make an action plan to fix it. If I allow the 24 hours to pass before addressing the situation I let it go and I never bring it up again.” The last part is very important. If you don’t communicate that issue that is YOUR FAULT and you have to let it go. Do NOT hold grudges. Communication is key to resolving any issue if you ask me. The 24 hour rule helps me refrain from having trust issues because I always make sure I communicate with the person causing the issue.
If you’re not willing to tell a person what they’ve done wrong, how can you expect them to fix it?
If you’re one of those people who has trouble trusting, take a moment to reflect on what caused that pain. After you have identified the cause of your hurt, deal with the pain. Forgive the person who hurt you. It’s not good to walk around with animosity in your heart for any reason. Your joy simply isn’t worth it. Communicate with that person. Let them know how they hurt you. You cannot just assume that they know this occurred and is affecting you the way it is. YOU have to deal with the hurt. As I told you all in an earlier entry titled ‘L.O.V.E.‘, I had to take three long years to mend my heart back to being able to love. And I didn’t get into any more relationships until my heart was healed because that wouldn’t have been fair to anyone I was with if I was still trying to get my heart together from a separate relationship.
So, If the person I’ve been talking about sounds like you, I want you to ask yourself the following questions:
- Is my heart broken? If so, what caused my broken heart?
- Am I holding on to pain from a previous relationship while trying to pursue another?
- Do I want to trust again?
- Am I willing to let go of the things that are stopping me from trusting?
- Is my lack of trust affecting more than just me?
- Is that fair to them?
I think by answering these questions you will be able to make the next step towards allowing love and happiness in your life. I’m always telling you guys that you deserve love. I mean that. Don’t be the reason you don’t have love. Love the people who are a positive attribution to your life. Don’t allow the pain that someone else caused to be the reason you can’t love the others who do want to be a part of your life. You can do it. Let go of that pain! Make the next step towards happiness.
Peace and Love good people,